《雾》
Fog

茅盾
Mao Dun

| 译文摘自张培基《英译中国散文选二》

雾遮没了正对着后窗的一带山峰。
The mountain peaks directly facing the back window of my room were veiled in fog.

要点
1, 本句采用被动语态,突出施动者,也给人一种画面感~
2, 将“雾”译为fog,而非mist,因为后者指的是“薄雾”,fog 指“雾,雾气”,smog指“烟雾”,haze则是指“雾霾”

综述:“雾”的表达有好多种,要选择最适合的一种~

我还不知道这些山峰叫什么名儿。我来此的第一夜就看见那最高的一座山的顶巅像钻石装成的宝冕似的灯火。那时我的房里还没有电灯,每晚上在暗中默坐,凝望这半空的一片光明,使我记起了儿时所读的童话。实在的呢,这排列得很整齐的依稀分为三层的火球,衬着黑魆魆的山峰的背景,无论如何,是会引起非人间的缥缈的思想的。
The names of these mountain peaks are still unknown to me. The first night when I was there I had seen the top of the highest mountain shining with lights like a precious crown set with diamond. As there was no electric light in my room, all I could do in the evening was sit quietly in the dark and fix my eyes on the midair radiance, which reminded me of the fairy tales I had read in my childhood. Indeed, the orderly array of lights shining in three indistinct tiers one above another against a background of dark mountain peaks could conjure up, without fail, visions of the ethereal.

要点
1,“我还不知道这些山峰叫什么名儿”译为The names of these mountain peaks are still unknown to me.译者采用无灵主语,符合英文表达习惯,也避免了连续使用I 开头造成的句式上的重复。
2,“那时我的房里还没有电灯,每晚上在暗中默坐,凝望这半空的一片光明,使我记起了儿时所读的童话。”中的“没有电灯”与后文有隐含的因果关系,因此译为As there was no electric light in my room, all I could do in the evening was sit quietly in the dark and fix my eyes on the midair radiance, which reminded me of the fairy tales I had read in my childhood.
3,“这排列得很整齐的依稀分为三层的火球”译为the orderly array of lights shining in three indistinct tiers one above another,中文多层定语,翻译时要分别前置和后置~

综述
注意本段多层定语的翻译~

但在白天看来,却就平凡得很。并排的五六个山峰,差不多高低,就只最西的一峰戴着一簇房子,其余的仅只有树;中间最大的一峰竟还有濯濯地一大块,像是癞子头上的疮疤。现在那照例的晨雾把什么都遮没了;就是稍远的电线杆也躲得毫无影踪。
In the daytime, however, it was all prosaic. The five or six peaks forming the front row were about the same height. The westernmost one had on top a cluster of houses while the rest were topped by nothing but trees. The highest one in the middle had on it a large piece of barren land, like the scar on a favus-infected human head. Now, as usual, the morning fog had shut out everything completely, including the not-too-distant wire poles.

要点
1,“并排的五六个山峰”多重定语,分前后,其中表状态的“并排的”可以后置,译为The five or six peaks forming the front row
2,“中间最大的一峰”中表位置的“中间“可以后置译为 The highest one in the middle
3,“濯濯” 指山坡上光秃秃的样子,译为barren land
4,“癞子头”是指黄廯感染的头,译为favus-infected human head
4,文中出现多次表示“遮盖”的词,译者根据不同语境,分别用了veil, shut out, shroud, obliterate作同义替换,记得总结哦

综述
本段重点依旧在于多重定语的翻译,表位置和状态的定语可以后置译为状语~

渐渐地太阳光从浓雾中钻出来了。那也是可怜的太阳呢!光是那样的淡弱。随后它也躲开,让白茫茫的浓雾吞噬了一切,包围了大地。
Gradually, however, the sun managed to show through the dense fog. Yet how pitifully pale it looked! And soon it disappeared altogether, leaving the white thick fog to engulf everything and shroud mother earth.

要点
1,“钻”即“从…中显露”译为show through,在遇到不会翻或找不到对应词的动词时,我们可以用一个词组或短语将此动作描述出来~
2,” 那也是可怜的太阳呢!光是那样的淡弱”意为“太阳的光线是那样弱,真是可怜”,合译为how pitifully pale it looked!

综述
注意对于不熟悉的动词的翻译以及本段的合译~当然还是要尽量丰富自己的词汇,毕竟如果过多使用词组和短语也会使句子变的冗杂~

我诅咒这抹煞一切的雾
I hate the all-obliterating fog!

我自然也讨厌寒风和冰雪。但和雾比较起来,我是宁愿后者呵!寒风和冰雪的天气能够杀人,但也刺激人们活动起来奋斗。雾,雾呀,只使你苦闷,使你颓唐阑珊,像陷在烂泥淖中,满心想挣扎,可是无从着力呢!

Of course I hate biting wind and icy snow too. But when they are compared with fog, I would rather have the former than the latter! Though biting wind and icy snow sometimes be a killer, yet they can also spur people on to greater efforts. O you fog! You plunge us into a state of depression and dejection, from which we struggle in vain to extricate ourselves as if we were bogged down in a mire.

要点
1,“寒风和冰雪的天气能够杀人“译为biting wind and icy snow sometimes be a killer,其中”be a killer”比“kill people”更加简洁生动~
2,“雾,雾呀,只使你苦闷,使你颓唐阑珊,像陷在烂泥淖中,满心想挣扎,可是无从着力呢!”译为O you fog! You plunge us into a state of depression and dejection, from which we struggle in vain to extricate ourselves as if we were bogged down in a mire.
① 原文是一个长感叹句,译者将主要的感叹词提前,后面译为陈述句,方便行文
② “使…”译为plunge sb into
③ “陷在“译为bog down在英语行文中”像…”一般出现在句末或句中,此处为了意思流畅,将其置于句末
④ 译者巧妙地将“满心想挣扎,可是无从着力”和“烂泥谭”用一定语从句串了起来译为from which we struggle in vain to extricate ourselves,其中“无从着力”即“徒劳地”译为in vain,来修饰struggle“挣扎”

综述:注意本段用定从串联起的合译,合译最主要的就是找主语,找动词,找关系~

傍午的时候,雾变成了牛毛雨,像帘子似的老是挂在窗前。两三丈以外,便只见一片烟云——依然遮抹一切,只不是雾样的罢了。没有风。门前池中的残荷梗时时忽然急剧地动摇起来,接着便有红鲤鱼的活泼泼的跳跃划破了死一样平静的水面。
About noon the fog turned into a fine misty rain like a curtain hanging still at the window. Some 30 feet away, a cloud of misty vapor prevailed, blotting out everything. The air was windless. Every now and then, the withered lotus stems in the pond in front of my door gave a sudden violent jerk as a red carp was seen splashing briskly out of the water to break the death-like silence.

要点
1,“只不是雾样的罢了”译为misty放在vapor(水雾)之前即可,准确简洁
2,“门前池中的残荷梗时时忽然急剧地动摇起来,接着便有红鲤鱼的活泼泼的跳跃划破了死一样平静的水面。”中“鲤鱼的跳跃”与“荷梗的摇动”是隐含的因果关系~用as

综述:分句间的关系大部分为因果或让步~

我不知道红鲤鱼的轨外行动是不是为了不堪沉闷的压迫?在我呢,既然没有杲杲的太阳,便宁愿有疾风大雨,很不耐这愁雾的后身的牛毛雨老是像帘子一样挂在窗前。
I wonder if the red carp’s aberration was due to its impatience with the unbearably oppressive status quo. As for me, failing a bright sunshine, I would rather have a violent storm. I cannot endure the fine misty rain which came in the wake of the gloomy fog to linger like a curtain hanging still at the window.

要点
1,“红鲤鱼的轨外行动”中的“轨外”意即“反常”或“异常”,故全文为the red carp’s aberration,意同the red carp’s abnormal behavior
2,” 既然没有杲杲的太阳”意为“如无阳光灿烂”,译为failing a bright sunshine,其中failing 为介词,作“如果没有”解
3,“愁雾的后身的牛毛雨”也是多层定语,其中“愁雾的后身”即“伴随着愁雾而来的”可以后置,译为the fine misty rain which came in the wake of the gloomy fog

综述
本文句式基本无难点,主要掌握多层定语和回顾分句合译技巧~

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