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"These aren't even that good. I think I could do better." That's one of the reasons I started writing. Because I was reading other articles and that thought came to mind. I've even thought that about books. Famous books. Brilliant books.
“这些都不够好,我觉着自己能做得更好。”这就是我开始写作的原因之一,因为我读别人的文章时就有了那样的想法。我甚至对书也有过那样的想法,包括名著和经典著作。

Who the fuck am I to think that?
我是谁呀?怎么有资格那么想?

That's my ego.
这就是我的自我价值感。

And I'm grateful for it.
而且我很感激这种自我价值感。

Because I never would've started writing without it. I never would've found something I love to do without it. I never would've been able to quit my 9-5 without it.
因为要不是自我价值感,我绝不会开始写作,绝不会发现自己喜爱的事,绝不会放弃朝九晚五的生活。

But...
但是……

Sometimes I get too caught up in it. I'll let other people's accomplishments get inside me and make me feel bad. I become jealous. I become resentful.
有时我太过于深陷其中,心里会一直想着别人的成就从而产生对自己的不满,我开始嫉妒、开始愤恨。

I let myself be tricked into think I'm not good enough, or doing enough, or being enough. That's when my ego becomes unhelpful.
我开始这样想:我不够好,或做得不够,或有很多不足。就在那时我的自我价值感开始变得全无益处。

I don't think having an ego is good or bad.
我觉着自我价值感既不是好事也不是坏事。

I think it's good and bad.
我认为它其实好坏兼备。

 

(翻译:菲菲)